Thursday, 17 January 2013

Day 205 - Oh I Have OCD - Really?

I didn't realise that I actually had a form of OCD as it was something that I have done for a long time, so much so that it has become second nature.  I am not sure if there are varying degrees of OCDness...But I would say I am low grade.

My partner brought this to my attention recently when he poked fun at my ridiculousness.  Now this is a big problem for a lot of people I know, so really, I don't do it much justice by judging it as ridiculous but when you 'think' about it as a mind possession and it is silliness as far as I am concerned.  But for some it is a very serious illness.  I call it an illness because underneath the compulsion is an anxiety and fear that has taken hold and is such a problem for some that they can't even leave the home, so my referring to it as silliness is just me judging it and myself in this. Because as  far as I am concerned mine is fairly low grade. But obviously we will see as I open up the point and a potential can of worms as I see now how I tend to 'play things down'

My infliction if you can call it that is that I won't leave the house before double/triple checking that I have turned the cooker off at the wall and that I have unplugged the computer and various other electrical equipment.  I will even go back when I have left to actually touch the switch to make sure that it is even in the off position when I have observed it with my own eyes and I have even said to my partner.  "Is it off? Are you sure?" and he has confirmed that it is.  I saw the ridiculousness of this when he took out a golf club and reached over and touched the switch for the cooker with it! "There you go" he said and in this moment I laughed my head off as I saw what I had been doing.  But until then I didn't realise that it was a problem for me. 

When I was an avid follower of love and light and I had belief in my guide and his protection I would ask him to bless the house and look after it when I was away.  

I need to look at the self forgiveness on this and how I am going to tackle it, because until now and reading Kim Kline's blog on OCD and Creations Journey to life I didn't see it as a problem as such as it is so integrated and I thought I had it under control and it is less than it used to be, but none the less it is there still! 

Links for the blogs mentioned above :

More to come on this: