A character that has come up for the last couple of days is what I would call a Militant Bystander. Where by I will look at what is considered a problem or an indiscretion in this world and go into back chat about it or judge it as not fair but this within itself some would say, as I believed also until today was an observation, but what I now see/realise and understand is that it is only an observation when it is not accompanied by any emotion or feeling. Looking at something in itself and commenting on whether it is best for all or not in itself is fine, but what is important here is who I am when and as I am observing and today I realised that there is a little jealousy here when another appears to be having a better time than me and sadness and annoyance if another is not able to have a dignified life on the other side of the coin. Here I see that I am looking to vocalise it to another in frustration and within that, this is not what is best for all. I thought I had eradicated the jealousy character but I now see that there is another layer that needs looking at.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at another that appears to be having an easy /nice life and consider them as not doing what is best for all as some are starving in this world and then within that I assume and judge them as not caring. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed judge another in spite of me because I am secretly feeling guilty for my part in the state that this world, because if I place myself in the shoes of the one having a good time I would see myself as guilty or so I believed in my minds eye.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a militant stance of thinking and believing that I am right and I know best.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge having an abundance of money as unacceptable and bad.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge having a good/fun time as not acceptable and until we are all able to have a good time it is not cool to have this polarity play out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to guilt and shame of how I have created a comfortable life for myself through working hard and being born in a country where I am considered by others as lucky.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the times that I have been able to have a fantastic holiday and how I have been gifted so many great things and then within this when I am faced with a cold winter day 'wishing' I didn't have to work so hard as I have seen myself as hard done by.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as jealousy of others having a good time, when I am in the cold and having to work hard to earn my crust and pay all my bills.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed and frustrated by others that just accept and allow themselves to be slaves to a system that is flawed and un equal. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to participate in such a system and take it as acceptable and that there is no other way and to just give up within and as it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go off in my mind and within that created a character to cover for the fact that I am feeling guilty about having a job and a comfortable life as such even though I have debt I still have a roof over my head and food to eat and I am able to get on a plane and travel and I have done so. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise and understand that there is nothing wrong with having a good time and enjoying life, it is just that I am restricting myself as doing so because I see it as un equal and wrong. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to guilt of being able to have a comfortable life.
When and as I see myself as annoyed and frustrated because we can't all have a good time and that I have to work hard to live. I stop and I breathe and I bring myself here within and as the breath and I remind myself that what is important is not what I am doing it is who I am within what I am doing and then I remind myself that I have sat on a beautiful beach in my life but inside myself I have been miserable. So within this I see that I am not breathing and just being here within and as the breath of life and that I am in the mind trying to create a situation for myself as Militant Bystander to keep myself occupied and that I have activated a character to give me an energetic charge of guilt and frustration. I commit myself to drop the guilt and frustration that I have as me, because I have taken the responsibility of what is happening on this planet solely on my shoulders and because the burden has become to much to bare I pass judgement on to others.
When and as I see myself as feeling hard done by or jealous because I have to go to work and others can go off and enjoy themselves in the sun and such. I stop and I breathe and I bring myself here and I stop going off in the mind looking for justifications as to why this should or shouldn't happen until it can happen to all equally. I commit myself to breathe and slow myself down and stabilise myself within and as the breath and I remind myself that I am in the mind as chatter and blame and punishing myself for my actions in this world and I immediately apply self forgiveness and let the Militant Bystander go for once and for all. I commit myself to birth myself as life from the physical and within that I am able to be stable and clear where ever I am and whatever I am doing.
I commit myself to walk myself out of the mind and integrate it as part of me equal and one but not allow it anymore to direct me as energy.
I commit myself to bring about a system that is best for all in an EMS.