Thursday, 11 October 2012

Day 106 - Self Judgement, Backchat,Comparison

Today I had to meet with some people I hadn't seen for a while, two women in fact.  Now lately I haven't really paid too much attention to what I am wearing, certainly not as much as I used to, although I don't go out looking a mess, in that I make sure my clothes are clean and I generally look tidy and my hair is neat.  Now MY HAIR, ah that's something I always have back chat about and it has become so ingrained as part of my personality of looking good that most often I am not even aware of it coming up.  As I was growing up my Mother used to say "doesn't matter what you are wearing just make sure your hair is neat and tidy, it will make any outfit look good" This rings in my ears to this day now, "make sure your hair is brushed and tidy"




Self forgiveness on the backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go off in my mind thinking my hair is untidy and within that I have experienced myself as FEELING messy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to programme in the fact that if my hair is tidy I will look good and within that I won't be judged by others as messy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at other woman and judge them because their hair is messy or not stylish enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at other woman and like their hair and want to have a similar style because it is what is considered fashionable and looks tidy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my hair and within this I will have to show off my face completely when I have been using my hair to hide behind for so many years. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to loosing my hair, thus I forgive myself for fearing my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that my hair makes me look better if it is clean and tidy and properly styled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my hair to hide my face, by keeping it long I have created a belief within and as me that I will take the emphasis off my features of my face. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that my face is too long and my nose sticks out and my lips are too thin and because of this I need my hair to detract and divert others attention. ( another blog to come on facial features )

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my natural hair colour doesn't suit me in that being a dark blond shade makes me look too pale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my hair looks good up in a pony tail from the front but not so much from the side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to go out at times if my hair isn't just right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider experimenting with different colours i.e red, because I have created a belief within and as me that it will make me look/feel younger and trendier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to check at least 3 times a day in the mirror when I am outside of my house to make sure that my hair is tidy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other woman who I my opinion have nice, tidy, fashionable hair and within this I then will go into back chat in my mind about how I am not as attractive or fashionable as they are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to shave my head for a medical procedure. I forgive myself that I have connected fear of having a medical procedure and losing my hair to fear, thus I forgive myself for fearing my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to style or wash my hair because of a medical procedure. I forgive myself that I have connected fear of not being able to take care of my hair, thus I forgive myself for fearing my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fear in my mind that now I have said the above two statements it will happen, it will bring it into being. I forgive myself that I have connected fear to speaking statements aloud and in so doing I will manifest them. Thus I forgive myself for fearing my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into the media imagine of the perfect woman and within this concern myself that I am being judged by others constantly, especially as in my field of work I see a lot of women on a daily basis.

I now/see/realise and understand that I have programmed in from childhood, through my Mother, peers and media that I have to have perfect hair, that is stylish and fashionable.  I commit myself to not worry and stress about how my hair looks and to wash and keep it clean and to brush it once a day when I am going out of the door to stop it from tangling and then leave it.  I will start to clip it up more and take it off my face.

When and as I see myself stressing about my hair or wanting to check it. I stop and I breath and I bring myself back here and I remind myself that it is just hair, and that I am the only one that is judging myself. 

I commit myself to stop looking at others in comparison and judgement specifically their hair.

I commit myself to become comfortable and accepting of my appearance and to not go into fear and judgement of how others view me.  I commit myself to breath and to bring myself here and I remind myself that my hair style isn't going to effect how my reality functions anymore in that me stressing and paying it attention. I commit myself to stop the back chat and conversations with others on how good/bad their hair looks. And instead I commit myself to breathing and making a world that is best for all.